Yes, this is a damn shame and I hope the perpetrator is caught but I’m human…and this is hilarious. You couldn’t make this up but chalk it up to pandemic stress. But real talk, we have to do better folks. Whatever the beef (or carnitas) it wasn’t that serious, let’s not assault people over burritos. That said, I spent 10 minutes learning how to make a gif based on this video, you’re welcome. 😜

P.S. I was drawing a blank on possible headlines for this post so I asked some friends for some suggestions. These are what has come in so far. If you have a headline idea, please leave it in the comments and I will update the post.

It’s a Hard Guac Life in these here Chipotle Streets - My Mother
Order Up: Burrito bowl with a side of "these hands" - Millennial Marketing Professional
Real Food for Unreal Humans - Snarky Lawyer Type
When “Chip” Hits the Fan - Ward 8 Community Leader
Black Beans Matter - Award-winning Journalist
Hard Guac Life - Award-winning Journalist
Tortilla Tango - Award-winning Journalist
Catch These Carnitas - Award-winning Journalist

Person of Interest in Simple Assault, 1500 b/o Alabama Ave, SE, on November 3, 2020

The Metropolitan Police Department seeks the public's assistance in identifying a person of interest in reference to a Simple Assault incident which occurred in the 1500 block of Alabama Avenue, SE, on Tuesday, November 3, 2020, at approximately 3:50 PM. The subject was captured by nearby surveillance cameras.

DO YOUR PART TO HELP PREVENT AND SOLVE CRIME. Crime Solvers of Washington, DC currently offers a reward of up to $1,000 to anyone who provides information that leads to the arrest and indictment of the person or persons responsible for a crime committed in the District of Columbia. Your assistance is appreciated by your community. CCN #20-157-402

Anyone who can identify this individual or who has knowledge of this incident should take no action but call police at (202) 727-9099 or text your tip to the Department's TEXT TIP LINE to 50411.

To learn more about the MPD Rewards program, please visit www.mpdc.dc.gov/rewards.