The Advocate had planned on sleeping in a little before meeting some friends for some pre-inaguration pancakes. Happy-Happy-Joy-Joy!

Unfortunately the most simple of simple plans was derailed by that most logic defying beast, the rudest of the rude, the worst of the "habitual line steppers"...

the Early Morning Horn Honker - the E.M.H.H. Also known as the C.R.E.E.P. (Constantly Rude Eager to Exasperate Person)

Unfortunately you probably have experienced this creature. They roll into your quiet, sleepy neighborhood typically in the the pre dawn hours and immediately and without end began blowing on their horn like they were being paid to do it.

This phenomenon just seems to be getting worse and more brazen and every time I experience it I always want to ask the offensive horn blower the following:

1) Are you aware just how inconsiderate you are being to the hundreds of other people who live in this neighborhood? The hundreds of people who did not make arrangements to meet you downstairs and therefore do not deserve to be deprived of their sleep or quality of life?

2) Are you aware of this new invention called a mobile phone? Let me introduce you to it. It's this really cool phone that is MOBILE. This nifty little invention allows Person A to call Person B to tell them that Person A is downstairs. The best part of this mobile phone thingy is that you get to communicate to Person B WITHOUT waking up the entire neighborhood! Eureka!

3) Lets say you did call them on your cell phone (as was the case this morning) and they did not answer. Have you ever considered that if they CAN'T or WON'T answer their cell and/or house phone - THAT IS MOST LIKELY A FEW FEET FROM THEIR EARS -that perhaps blowing your car horn non stop is not THE most effective way to get their attention? Just a thought.

4) Why don't you get out of your car and go knock on their door? There is an entire industry dedicated to the manufacturing of doorbells and door knockers. Save an American factory job - use the doorbell! And if you don't want to be inconvenienced by getting out of your CAR early in the morning have you considered what it is like for the entire neighborhood to get out of their BED early in the morning for your foolishness?

5) Have you considered that perhaps that Person B is aware that you have arrived and may just need a minute to put on their coat, find the house keys, lock the door and come downstairs? (I also have a theory maybe they are avoiding you) Isnt blowing your car horn nonstop just a little (correction - a lot) foolish? There will NEVER be a pickup emergency so serious that you have to blow your horn nonstop. Let me repeat, There will NEVER be a pickup emergency so serious that you have to blow your horn nonstop. Give your chap a chance to get downstairs. Last I checked teleportation hasn't exactly made it to the mainstream transportation system.

6) More than likely you are sitting in your car blowing your car horn like an idiot and feeling aggravated. I bet you are saying to yourself right now "I can't believe how rude Person B is being....I drive over here to pick them up and they keep me waiting. They are so inconsiderate". Hellllllllllllllllllllllo? Do you realize that right then at that very moment to an ENTIRE community of people you are the epicenter of rude people everywhere? In effect every second you blow on that horn at 5am you are broadcasting what a selfish, inconsiderate person you are? You are essentially the star of the "How Rude Can I Be?" infomercial? Only unlike an infomercial we can't change the channel or put you on mute?

7) Let's say for arguments sake that Person B is keeping you waiting on purpose, is ignoring all your phone calls because they refused to be rushed or have temporarily gone deaf have you considered JUST..... LEAVING? Nothing says "be on time" like when someone misses their ride and has to walk or take the bus. As you so effectively demonstrated with your rude behavior - "Actions speak louder than words". No one would fault you for leaving - heck us neighbors may arrange a ticker tape parade in your honor (once we wake up at a reasonable hour).

Well that is all I have to say on the subject. Forgive me for being snarky but I didn't get enough sleep :(

P.S. To this morning's C.R.E.E.P driving the grey Nissan Sentra with the busted hood who told me "I do what I have to do" and proceeded to blow her car horn some more after I nicely and politely asked her to refraim from doing so in the early morning hours of a residential neighborhood...

-"I do what I have to do".